Voting Matters

I had a fight with my housemate the other day. He says he's not going to vote. I think he should. Here are the top 10 reasons I think Cameron should vote.

1. It's our civic duty, and blah blah blah.

2. The president. Yes, it is unlikely that the California electoral votes will go McCain, but if you want Obama to be president, you should vote for him! (Or McCain, I guess...)

3. Prop 4. (Parental notification 48 hours before a minor under age 18 can get an abortion.) This is a terrible prop that has appeared on the ballot numerous times in various forms. This matters. It needs to be shot down and it could be decided by one single vote...you never know.

4. Prop 8. (Amends the CA constitution to define marriage as being between a man and a woman, outlawing gay marriage.) This is a terrible prop. It creates second-class citizens. It is absolutely absurd. It needs to be shot down and it could be decided by one single vote...you never know.

5. History. Your own personal history. You don't want to tell your grandchildren that you didn't vote in the historic 2008 election, do you? You want to be able to get one of those hip bumper stickers that says "don't blame me, I voted for Obama" if McCain wins, don't you?

6. Hot poll workers. You never know.

7. Apathy breeds apathy. Apathy is bad.

8. Cameron is relatively educated about the issues. If you're educated, you should vote! At least you're canceling out the uneducated votes.

9. Karma. Think about it.

10. You get a cool sticker.

How the Internet Has Changed My Life

1. Fantasy baseball. I guess there was Fantasy Baseball before the Internet, but who wants to do that? That would take for-ev-er.

2. YouTube videos. Try "Snake regurgitating hippo" or "shark attack slow motion." HOURS of fun.

3. TV online! Namely House, 30 Rock, and 24.

4. Facebook. Dur. I would be in touch with many fewer people without the wonders of the Facebook.

5. Wikipedia/Google. We used to have to look up stuff in REAL encyclopedias! What a drag! I've learned so much from Google, including where medical waste goes, how anesthesia works, and the number for centimeters in a mile.

6. Phone numbers. Who needs a phone book anymore? Plus, I can find phone numbers for ALL OVER THE COUNTRY! and the WORLD!

7. E-mail. Another dur. Would not know what to do about bff Alex in India if it weren't for email. Mailing letters takes like weeks and the telephone is too expensive and too much time difference.

8. Skype. AMAZING solution to phone. It's a video phone! and it's FREE! And you can call landlines or cell phones from the Skype for really cheap. It's wondrous. You should get it. Keeps me in touch with my bffs Celeste in Chile and Becca in Scotland! Or, even my roommate in the next room!

9. AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). Not so much anymore as I got rid of it, but remember in middle school when you'd just be in AIM for hours and hours until ungodly hours of the AM and then your 'rents would yell at you? AIM got really dramatic there for a while--people would ask each other out and break up over AIM. They would get in friendship-ending blowouts over AIM. AIM was the quickest way to spread a nasty rumor in middle school. Those were the days.

10. Online shopping. Need I say more?

Je ne veux pas les enfants, Part II

because...

1. Bringing a new life into this f-ed up world is plain cruel. Why would I do that? I am not a cruel person.

2. The world does not need any more of me, even if it's only half me. I don't want to pass on my craziness to another human being. That is also cruel.

3. Babies are a lot of work and I'm going to have enough work as it is.

4. Babies are expensive. I would rather spend my money on Balenciaga gladiator sandals and an All-Clad lobster pot than diapers and private school tuition. Judge me, I don't care.

5. I would be a TERRIBLE mother and as if my kid wouldn't already be messed up, it have SERIOUS issues starting at a very early age.

6. I don't need someone to do all the stuff that I didn't do, like become an Olympic gymnast or a movie star or be insanely smart. Having a baby is really a selfish thing when you really think about it.

7. I couldn't deal with having an ugly or stupid kid. Or annoying. Oh wait, all kids are annoying.


8. I would get soooooo fat and my body would never be the same. Judge me, I don't care.




9. Maybe if Eve hadn't stolen that g-d apple childbirth wouldn't be so painful. Thanks a lot, Eve.

10. I would have to kiss my social life good-bye. I don't want to do that. I like social life and even when I'm fifty I'll have a good social life.

Top Five Presidents of All Time

In honor of President's Day, here are the five most awesomest presidents since 1776.

5. James Madison was the 4th President. He was the shortest President- 5'4". Guess how tall yours truly is? 5'4". PARTY HEIGHT!

4. Grover Cleveland was the 24th President. He was also the only President to get married in the White House. I don't think she was as hot as that supermodel Nick Sarkozy just married, though.

Nah, I'd say they're comparable in hotness.

3. Rutherford B. Hayes was the 19th President. He is like G-Dub because he didn't win the popular vote in the 1876 election. Samuel J. Tilden won the popular vote. All the other guys who won the popular vote but lost the electoral vote went on to eventually become President. Poor Al G. and Sammy T.

2. Gerald Ford was the 38th President. He was not elected to any office but followed Nixon's resignation. He threw his daughter's prom at the White House. Badass.

1. Warren G. Harding was the 29th President. He bet all the china in the White House during a single card game. He lost. Damn you, Harding! Those are my tax dollars!



For more fun facts, go here!

Or here!


Happy President's Day!!!!! Enjoy your long weekend. If you don't have a long weekend, I'm sorry for rubbing it in.

Ten Things to do on Valentine's Day, with or without a Hot Date

1. Buy a couple dozen carnations (or roses if you're rich) and walk around the neighborhood. Scope out the loneliest looking girls and give them one. This will make them very happy.

2. Call ALL of your ex-significant others at around 11 PM and drunkenly tell them how much you love and miss them. If they say they miss you too, hang up immediately and proceed to number 10.

3. Make a trail of Hershey's Kisses (or another candy of your choice) and make a trail around your house. Wait a few hours, then go follow the trail! It will be exciting even though you did it yourself.

4. Go out to a fancy restaurant, ideally of European inspiration, and hit on the hot foreign waiters. Yes, you can do this even if you have a hot date, but beware: All the single people eating by themselves will resent you, as if they don't already.

5. Wear black.

6. Watch a slasher film with your dog or your mother.

7. Wear red and green and carry around mistletoe. Walk around yelling "Happy Christmas!" and hold the mistletoe over you and everyone you talk to. Demand a kiss. If they don't give you one, kick them in the shin.

8. Cross-dress. When you get asked what the hell's going on, act like you have no clue what they're talking about. Then ask them what they're doing for Valentine's Day and if they'd like to have a popsicle with you.

9. Buy yourself a three-pound solid chocolate heart, a giant teddy bear, a few cheesy V-day knickknacks, and whatever else you want. Walk around with them all day and exclaim how embarrassed you are! Or you could pretend to have a secret admirer. Bonus: Hire a barbershop quartet to come sing you a love poem in front of everyone.

10. Do the Lebowski Challenge.

Top Ten Reasons to Date a Middle Child

10. It is a known scientific fact that middle children always get the best genes. The first child gets the genes that don't really know what's going on. By the time the second child rolls around, the genes have figured out the perfect way to come together to create an amazing child. By the third child, they're tired and couldn't care less. Thus the middle child is the perfect mix of the best qualities of both parents.

9. The middle child won't care what you dress like because chances are he or she dressed ridiculously as a child because of hand-me-downs.

8. Oldest children get angry when they don't get attention. Youngest children beg for attention. The middle children don't care about the attention, so you can usually get away with talking about yourself all the time. But the middle child will be so cool that you'll want to give him/her all your attention anyway.

7. Middle children know how to share. They won't make you pay for dinner every time and they will let you borrow their toothbrush if you really need to.

6. Middle children are peaceful. They are in the middle. Neutral. Like Switzerland.

5. Middle children are used to sharing people with other people (i.e. parents with siblings), so they'll let you hang out with your friends and they won't get lonely. (Besides, they have lots of friends anyway because they're so cool.)

4. Madonna was a middle child. She's hot.

3. Middle children are funny.

2. Bill Gates was a middle child. He's rich.

And the Number One Reason to Date a Middle Child: Middle children are better in bed.

2008 Thus Far

Well, January 2008 has come and gone, my friends.

2008 in Highlights! (and lowlights)

1. Heath Ledger. Need I say more?
2. Johan Santana. Dur. See previous post.
3. Iowa Caucus. GoooooooooooObama!
4. The Golden Globes. Hahahaha. That was funny. But the winners weren't altogether disappointing.
5. Something that happened to my friend Celeste that I am not at liberty to divulge. Suffice it to say, it is both heartbreaking and too funny to handle all at once.
6. Juno. (Sort of 2007, but mostly 2008.) Amazing film. Seen it? Good. See it again. It's even better the second time. I haven't been to a movie twice in the theaters since 7th grade...Josh Hartnett in Pearl Harbor. Gag. Haven't seen Juno? You should.
7. UCLA gymnastics beating Stanford. I went to this meet last Sunday. It was awesome. UCLA beat Stanford 195.05 to 195.025. WHAT?!
8. Falling down the stairs at the UCLA gymnastics meet. I just ATE IT in front of all these people. Now I have a really gnarly bruise on my back.
9. The chocolate creme pie my friend Liz and I bought last night to ring in February. It was delicious. We also watched It Takes Two, that phenomenal old movie with Mary-Kate and Ashley. It was a great night.
10. The New England Patriots. They're undefeated and they've broken a number of records in '08 alone. The Superbowl on Sunday should be a very good game. The Giants will cry like the little girls they are if they lose. The Pats will then run amok in Arizona, led by Randy Moss and Laurence Maroney. Of course, Tom Brady will probably go back to his hotel room to drink a pineapple daiquiri and watch Steel Magnolias by himself.