31 March 2008

Je ne veux pas les enfants, Part II


1. Bringing a new life into this f-ed up world is plain cruel. Why would I do that? I am not a cruel person.

2. The world does not need any more of me, even if it's only half me. I don't want to pass on my craziness to another human being. That is also cruel.

3. Babies are a lot of work and I'm going to have enough work as it is.

4. Babies are expensive. I would rather spend my money on Balenciaga gladiator sandals and an All-Clad lobster pot than diapers and private school tuition. Judge me, I don't care.

5. I would be a TERRIBLE mother and as if my kid wouldn't already be messed up, it have SERIOUS issues starting at a very early age.

6. I don't need someone to do all the stuff that I didn't do, like become an Olympic gymnast or a movie star or be insanely smart. Having a baby is really a selfish thing when you really think about it.

7. I couldn't deal with having an ugly or stupid kid. Or annoying. Oh wait, all kids are annoying.

8. I would get soooooo fat and my body would never be the same. Judge me, I don't care.

9. Maybe if Eve hadn't stolen that g-d apple childbirth wouldn't be so painful. Thanks a lot, Eve.

10. I would have to kiss my social life good-bye. I don't want to do that. I like social life and even when I'm fifty I'll have a good social life.

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